Movin’ and Grovin’

We celebrated our sons birthday yesterday.  I can’t believe he is 10 years old.  From what I hear from others that have older children, I won’t believe how fast the next 10 years will go either.  Life moves fast.  As the great philosopher Ferris Bueller once said, “Life moves pretty fast. If you don’t stop and look around once in a while, you could miss it.” I don’t want to miss life.  I want to live it.

The past year has been such a roller coaster of emotions for me.  From really high to depths I thought were not possible.  Living with a disease is incredibly difficult, never predictable, and always putting your life in a constant state of change.  I thank God for the surgery that I was able to receive and the freedom it has giving me and my family.  I hurt for those who do not have the option to have surgery to remove the pain.  I feel for those who are not able to escape the ‘beast’ that hovers over their life like a cruel puppet master.  I wish there were options for them to take to free themselves.  But even in those tough times, we have to look for the good.  When I was at my lowest point I still had to find something to hang on to.  For me it was God and my family.  I knew I wasn’t going to go through anything that God knew I couldn’t handle.  As stretched as I felt, I was not going to reach a breaking point, because deep down, I wanted to live.  I wanted to celebrate birthdays and anniversaries and holidays with my family.  I wanted to grow with them and teach them and learn from them.  I didn’t want to miss life.

I feel that I am beginning to live a ‘normal’ life again.  My bathroom issues are falling further and further into the past.  Yeah, I have a hard time at nights.  I still go about 10-12 times in a 24 hour period and still have to get up at night at least once, sometimes twice in the middle of the night to go.  But I am getting better.  I am seeing progress everyday.  My relationship with Lori has also improved greatly.  We both have begun to adjust to the ‘new’ me and are settling in well.  Our relationship has turned another corner, another chapter, and it looks much brighter than it has in a long time.  I am starting to feel normal again.  I feel like I am getting back a handle of things in my life and enjoying it.  I am starting to break out of my bubble that I have hidden in for the past few years and live life without fear.

For my friends that read this that are going through the surgery or are about to go through, IT IS WORTH IT.  It is an incredible recovery with all kinds of things to deal with, but now almost 4 months out, I love it.  Hang in there, it gets better.  For my friends that read this and are still dealing with the ‘beast’ in their life, hang in there.  Find the good in life and hold onto it with all you have.  Seek out ways to get better and you can.  And lastly for all my friends that have journeyed with me, thank you.  Your love, support, encouraging words have helped me and my family through dark days.

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~ by Chaz on September 10, 2009.

6 Responses to “Movin’ and Grovin’”

  1. I am so happy for you. I have wondered how you were doing. I can’t even begin to know what you all have gone through, but Chaz and Lori, you have GONE through it! God has brought you to the other side. You are both amazing and your kids are awesome. I am so proud and happy for you. I will continue to pray for improvement. Thanks for not giving up and giving in.

  2. Hey Chad! Glad to hear you are doing great! I had my surgery last tuesday– painful but am doing better! Iam alittle afraid to eat things still and am really afraid of the next surgery because you said your butt burns. My surgery took 7 hours! I ended up in a daze pulling out tubes from my throat– but am home and alive! Good luck with the emotional stuff– you seem to be doing great!

  3. Happy birthday to your son and happy “birth”day to you and your wife as you remember his entry into the world with happiness and maybe even a few tears. I cry on my babies birthdays…happy tears but also a little sad as they grow so fast. I am glad to hear things are going better. I have been praying for you. I am one week out tomorrow from my surgery and the anxious want to vomit nerves have started to appear. So please send a prayer up for me that I have a LONG small intestine so that the doctor can make a wonderful j pouch for me. Blessings on your evening, ML

    • ML,
      I have been praying for you. I have been keeping up with you on your blog. I know the fear and anxiety that you are feeling. Just know you are not alone. And if it makes you feel better, go ahead and vomit. After the surgery that will be the least of your body fluids that you will be worried about. 🙂 Counting the days…

  4. Hey Chaz- What do you do when you get leaks?? I’m having a bad day with leaks!!!!!!

    • Jaimie,

      one the most frustrating things with the ileostomy is the potential for leaks. I TOTALLY understand how you feel right now. Hang in there, it is only for a season right now. Here are something’s that I did during my problem times. First I switched from my Hollister patches to another company. Hollister did not work for me. I hated the glue. I switched to a company called Convatec (http://convatec.com/en/cvtus-cvtostmlus/cvt-portallev1/0/detail/0/1598/1942/convatec-moldable-technologytrade.html ) The moldable patch was a dream compared to my other one. Not cutting with a scissors, not glue to seal it. It worked really well.

      Here are some other tips that I learned. Take a shower and wash the old patch off in the shower. get the area real clean from any glue or residue. I used the yellow dial soap for cleaning, but I didn’t over do it in my stoma area. Just cleaned it enough to be clean. Then when I got out of the shower, I would lay on my back for 10 minutes to let the skin dry and make sure all the moisture was out. We have a ceiling fan, so I would lay under that to help it dry. Then we always put the new patch on laying down. It did not work for us standing up. My wife helped me. She prepped the area and stuck the patch on for me. Then I would sit up and gently rub the patch area for a few minutes to really help it seal. We still used the stoma powder by Hollister. We also used a little pad that had some sticky stuff on it, I can’t believe I have forgotten what it was called, but I am sure that you have some. If you don’t I will dig through my old stuff and find out what it is. I just made my skin a little tacky to help the patch stick to it.

      I hope some of this can help you get some relief from your leaking. I remember one night I was in tears because we couldn’t get the thing to stick. 4 times it leaked in one day. I was devastated, but we kept working on it and finally we achieved some success. Hang in there Jaimie, you will get through this and move on to the next stage of your recovery.

      Chaz

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